Whoops, I'm a little late getting this one up. Sorry guys! Work has been a bit crazy and I have less and less free time lately. I'm going to drop this down to once a week posts on Thursdays from now on so I can write better posts over the course of a week instead of making sure I get them done and out on time.
Anywho... Upselling. Yes. Personally, I don't really mind upselling and I'm good enough at it to be effective. As a customer however, I kind of hate it. But I get why it's done. Just about every store ever has daily goals. Let's say for example we have to sell $1000 of product a day. Just for Easy Math sake. We're open for 10 hours, so Corporate expects sales at an average rate of $100 per hour. Cool. Not terribly hard. But here's the kicker. They want our average amount per transaction to be ABOVE $30 dollars, and the average items per transaction to be above 3 or 4 depending on the time of year.
If I end my day with an average dollar amount of $20, and item amount of 1.5, I get reamed out the next morning by my DM. Whether it was my fault or not. So when someone gets to my register with one $0.99 item, I push things on them HARD. Because I hate getting yelled at for doing my job. I could be having a great day, with numbers of $55 and 9 and then someone comes in and buys that one item for a buck and my numbers fall to like $42 and 7. Then another small sale. Now I'm down to $20 and 5. So now I get yelled at.
I know it's hard to comprehend if you've never been on my side of the register, but for some reason, if I don't hit our sales goal of $1000, but my numbers at night are 50 and 10, I am in less trouble than if I exceed my sales goal but my numbers are $10 and 1. It makes no logical sense. But that is what all might Corporate has deemed to be right. So that's what we follow. And really, you have to TRY not to spend over $30 in my store. It's relatively easy to get up that high.
But Elle!! You're stealing my hard earned money when you talk me into buying more items!!!!
Actually, no. I've been in retail long enough to know when a person can and can't afford that extra 3 bucks. If I know you can't, I don't push the sale. In fact, I may see if I can work in a sale and lower the price for you. Because even though I work in retail, I am a very nice person. I want all my customers to be happy and know that they're important to me. (At least on some level. Some of my regulars I hate, but they spend a lot of money so I appreciate that at least.) When I upsell you to hit those goals laid out for me, what I'm really doing is insuring I have hours next week.
WARNING: BIG OL' RETAIL SECRET AHEAD.
We actually base how many hours we get to schedule employees, based off of our sales. When we miss sales goals, we have to cut hours. Which means smaller paychecks. And sad employees. Who can barely afford to eat food, let alone get to work. And those who sell the best, get the best hours. In case you haven't picked up on it, I'm not a teenager that works in retail. I'm a bonafide adult with adult expenses who just happens to love this field. I have a mortgage. A car loan. Insurance. Credit cards. Grocery bills. Utilities. Etc. I work for freaking $8 per hour. Now I know that if I work a minimum of X hours per week I can take care of my share of the bills for the house every month. But, if we had such a terrible week that there isn't X hours for me to work, just a measly X-10 hours, I'm boned. I'm either not eating, not getting to work, or not having a phone that month.
My sales numbers DIRECTLY impact my pay. I might work for a giant company, but that doesn't mean it's not like supporting the local guy. We have at least three of our company's stores in my city. But choosing store A over B or C makes a difference. The employees over at A are going to get all the hours you made possible instead of store B or C. The money doesn't all just go to Corporate to dole out in an even fashion to all the employees. We have to earn those hours and paychecks every day. So when I pitch our sale at you, and it's only an extra $5... Go for it. If everyone I cashed out in a day added on $5, there would be 10 - 20 hours available to pick up. More hours available means more work and bigger paychecks. Bigger paychecks means more spending and more spending means it boosts the economy. Seriously. Save the economy. Listen to Upselling.
Just cuz I'm paid to be nice to you, doesn't mean you're not a fucking creep.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Let me tell you guys, we're not allowed to be mean to anyone. And that's probably why a lot of you treat us like shit when we tell you no. Retail has become so focused on not upsetting a single person, that our return policies only hold up if the customer wants it to. It's ridiculous. Last night was my shift from hell. Unfortunately we have no hours right now which means barely any coverage, so our breaks are taken very close to the beginning/end of our shifts depending on when we (and the only other person working that day) come in. That's pretty sucky but not the worst. I've dealt with worse.
But on top of really no breaks, being alone all night and having to change signs on top of everything, having my printer shit the bed so I can't even print the signs but have to HAND MAKE THEM, my POS computer going down (pun entirely intended), I also spent 2 hours with a fucking creeper who would not leave me alone. And it's somehow become unacceptable to call security as a female alone in a store because some dude is being inappropriate but you're not in danger. Ladies, you know that balance of creepy.
Homeboy comes in, touches EVERYTHING and then starts asking me a million questions because he wants to know more about "pop culture". Go out in the fucking world. Turn on a tv, computer, or radio and you will learn just fine. What did you just get out of prison? You sir, have the weirdest vibe I have ever been near and I really hope I never see you again. He asked about some music related accessories we sold and then asked about a sweatband. You know, those stretchy things that go on your wrist for wiping sweat off your forehead? Suggestively asking if he even "wanted to know what part of the body you wear this on".
Now, let's take a break from this while everyone vomits. It's okay, I understand. But allow me to paint you a picture. I am the only employee in the store. I have about customers in there, and I am doing my best to help all of them in a timely fashion. For the most part, everyone is sympathetic. I am also on and off the phone with our IT desk trying to get my shit to work. But people are still graciously putting up with it. One guy even offered to wait until my computer was repaired to cash out, instead of me putting Mr. IT Guy on hold for 30 seconds to take care of him. Seriously, most of you last night were great. Now, while I'm on and off that phone, I'm up and down rooting around in the bowels of our cashwrap, unplugging and hard resetting things according to IT Guy's instructions. I'm covered in dirt and dust, probably crying a little, and counting the minutes until I can go home and booze up. AND THIS DUDE IS HINTING AT HIS AWKWARD FUCKING PENIS AT ME. Even if we were in the parallel universe where I was single, and possibly interested in his socially awkward, late 30's, acne ridden self... How the fuck is that the time to make a pass like that?
And then. THEN. He goes to squeal, yes, SQUEAL over shit for little girls. Oh hi, I'm pretty sure you're a pedophile now. Why are you out in public with children about? Ugh. This dude seriously made my skin crawl. I can't even put in to words the creepy he was. And at the end, he bought nothing. Not even a 99 cent item. I'm not saying you have to spend money when you come in, but if you're an asshole in any way, shape, or form, you best to be spending money here or I will remember your face and I will not be as graciously helpful next time.
But on top of really no breaks, being alone all night and having to change signs on top of everything, having my printer shit the bed so I can't even print the signs but have to HAND MAKE THEM, my POS computer going down (pun entirely intended), I also spent 2 hours with a fucking creeper who would not leave me alone. And it's somehow become unacceptable to call security as a female alone in a store because some dude is being inappropriate but you're not in danger. Ladies, you know that balance of creepy.
Homeboy comes in, touches EVERYTHING and then starts asking me a million questions because he wants to know more about "pop culture". Go out in the fucking world. Turn on a tv, computer, or radio and you will learn just fine. What did you just get out of prison? You sir, have the weirdest vibe I have ever been near and I really hope I never see you again. He asked about some music related accessories we sold and then asked about a sweatband. You know, those stretchy things that go on your wrist for wiping sweat off your forehead? Suggestively asking if he even "wanted to know what part of the body you wear this on".
Now, let's take a break from this while everyone vomits. It's okay, I understand. But allow me to paint you a picture. I am the only employee in the store. I have about customers in there, and I am doing my best to help all of them in a timely fashion. For the most part, everyone is sympathetic. I am also on and off the phone with our IT desk trying to get my shit to work. But people are still graciously putting up with it. One guy even offered to wait until my computer was repaired to cash out, instead of me putting Mr. IT Guy on hold for 30 seconds to take care of him. Seriously, most of you last night were great. Now, while I'm on and off that phone, I'm up and down rooting around in the bowels of our cashwrap, unplugging and hard resetting things according to IT Guy's instructions. I'm covered in dirt and dust, probably crying a little, and counting the minutes until I can go home and booze up. AND THIS DUDE IS HINTING AT HIS AWKWARD FUCKING PENIS AT ME. Even if we were in the parallel universe where I was single, and possibly interested in his socially awkward, late 30's, acne ridden self... How the fuck is that the time to make a pass like that?
And then. THEN. He goes to squeal, yes, SQUEAL over shit for little girls. Oh hi, I'm pretty sure you're a pedophile now. Why are you out in public with children about? Ugh. This dude seriously made my skin crawl. I can't even put in to words the creepy he was. And at the end, he bought nothing. Not even a 99 cent item. I'm not saying you have to spend money when you come in, but if you're an asshole in any way, shape, or form, you best to be spending money here or I will remember your face and I will not be as graciously helpful next time.
Don't want that item? Here's what to do with it! or "I am not a coat rack!"
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Walk in to any retail store and you will see a sea of neatly, mysteriously folded shirts and pants. We all fold our own clothes at home, but retail folding is a magic process with folds, stickers, and creases that make no sense to the average consumer. And we know that. We don't ever expect you to fold our clothes properly. Some stores even use shirt boards so there's no way you could get it right on your own. And we're totally okay with that. But we are NOT okay with is what you do next.
Some of you will decide you don't want a shirt. Say it's a blue shirt with an elephant on it in a medium. You fold it the way you would at home, put it on top of a completely different shirt, and go about your shopping. Then 10 minutes later, re-think that choice so you go back to Blue Elephant Shirt Display. Grab another medium, even though the one you left earlier is 5 feet away. You get to the other side of the store, decide that no, you REALLY don't want it, and leave it mushed between our shoes. Cool. You're about to check out and go "Man, I really want that Blue Elephant shirt. I'm gonna go get it for realsies now." So you go back a third time. Low and behold.... No mediums left. (This may or may not be because you have strewn them all over my store.) So you ask an employee to help you out. If this is you, please go read the previous entry and then come back here. I'll wait. Good, now what did we learn?
Then there are the people who I refer to as the third type of people. I always used to believe that there were two types of people in this world. Good people, and bad people. Then I started in retail. There are people who will decide they don't want an article of clothing, which is totally okay, put it back in the correct location, but put it there, balled up, wedged between the bottom two items in the stack. Sometimes we won't find that for DAYS and now it is too wrinkled to fold and get out on the floor. There is a special circle reserved in hell for these people. Seriously. There is someone right next to our shirts, folding ones people didn't want, almost all fucking day. The need of shirts to be folded keeps at LEAST 3 of my cashiers employed. What the fuck do you think is going to happen if you just gave it to one of us and said you didn't want it? Or nicely placed it back where you got it from? Do you think we would yell at you? Or maybe just fucking smile and say "Oh don't worry I'll take care of it!" I'll give you a hint. We don't mind putting shit back the right way.
I suppose there's also the people who try so very hard to figure out our strange shirt folding ways. I love these people. I wish I could discount their purchases when they do that. I always come over and say "oh don't worry I'll take that!" and I always hear one of two things. Either "Oh no it's okay I wanna do it" and I love that, or "I've worked in retail, I know I can do this!" and we love that too. But really, we'd rather just refold ourselves because all stores have different standards. Your folds might be super awesome, but they're not our folds and we need consistency in our store. I still love you, I won't stop you, and I will just wish I could give you a discount without getting in trouble all day.
And for the love of all that is holy, DON'T just shove shit at an employee grunting "I don't want these" and stomp away. We're people. Not coat racks. We're okay with you giving us things you don't want, and in fact, prefer that you do that so we can make sure they're folded or hung up properly, but respect us as people. Would you just shove things at your grandmother and stomp off? That would be rude you say? Bingo. It's still rude when you do it to us.
Some of you will decide you don't want a shirt. Say it's a blue shirt with an elephant on it in a medium. You fold it the way you would at home, put it on top of a completely different shirt, and go about your shopping. Then 10 minutes later, re-think that choice so you go back to Blue Elephant Shirt Display. Grab another medium, even though the one you left earlier is 5 feet away. You get to the other side of the store, decide that no, you REALLY don't want it, and leave it mushed between our shoes. Cool. You're about to check out and go "Man, I really want that Blue Elephant shirt. I'm gonna go get it for realsies now." So you go back a third time. Low and behold.... No mediums left. (This may or may not be because you have strewn them all over my store.) So you ask an employee to help you out. If this is you, please go read the previous entry and then come back here. I'll wait. Good, now what did we learn?
Then there are the people who I refer to as the third type of people. I always used to believe that there were two types of people in this world. Good people, and bad people. Then I started in retail. There are people who will decide they don't want an article of clothing, which is totally okay, put it back in the correct location, but put it there, balled up, wedged between the bottom two items in the stack. Sometimes we won't find that for DAYS and now it is too wrinkled to fold and get out on the floor. There is a special circle reserved in hell for these people. Seriously. There is someone right next to our shirts, folding ones people didn't want, almost all fucking day. The need of shirts to be folded keeps at LEAST 3 of my cashiers employed. What the fuck do you think is going to happen if you just gave it to one of us and said you didn't want it? Or nicely placed it back where you got it from? Do you think we would yell at you? Or maybe just fucking smile and say "Oh don't worry I'll take care of it!" I'll give you a hint. We don't mind putting shit back the right way.
I suppose there's also the people who try so very hard to figure out our strange shirt folding ways. I love these people. I wish I could discount their purchases when they do that. I always come over and say "oh don't worry I'll take that!" and I always hear one of two things. Either "Oh no it's okay I wanna do it" and I love that, or "I've worked in retail, I know I can do this!" and we love that too. But really, we'd rather just refold ourselves because all stores have different standards. Your folds might be super awesome, but they're not our folds and we need consistency in our store. I still love you, I won't stop you, and I will just wish I could give you a discount without getting in trouble all day.
And for the love of all that is holy, DON'T just shove shit at an employee grunting "I don't want these" and stomp away. We're people. Not coat racks. We're okay with you giving us things you don't want, and in fact, prefer that you do that so we can make sure they're folded or hung up properly, but respect us as people. Would you just shove things at your grandmother and stomp off? That would be rude you say? Bingo. It's still rude when you do it to us.
What we really have in the back.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
To the average consumer, the back room of a store is a mystical and magical place filled with hundreds of every item our company has ever sold, in every size and color imaginable. Should an item not be on our shelves, it is surely in the back, which must be a well organized space with directions to where everything is kept and possibly run by elves. In reality, most back rooms are the size of a walk-in closet in a downtown Manhattan apartment. That is to say, really fucking small. And most have little to no product in them, just a break area, bathroom for employees, old signs, paperwork, and store fixtures we're not currently using. If we happen to have product, it's probably poorly organized at best.
I'm fortunate enough to work in a store that keeps what product we do have back there fairly organized. But due to the lack of stuff in there, I know without looking what we have and what we don't. So when someone comes in and asks if we have this clearance item in a 3X in the back, the answer is "Are you fucking crazy woman? That shirt is 6 months old and marked down to $0.99. You really think I have MORE in the back?" But what we say (with a smile mind you) is "Oh! Let me go look! I'll be right back!" and we go behind that employees only door. At this point we just stand there. Maybe we take a bathroom break, take a sip of a drink, fix our hair, etc. But it takes us all of half a second to look and go "Nope!".
Now, if we were to poke our head in the back, come back out and tell you "no", you'd accuse us of not looking or not wanting to help you. Oh dear Elle I would never!!! you might have just thought to yourself. Shut the fuck up. You have. This is something we learn early on in our retail careers. If we're entirely honest with customers, we will inevitably get yelled at by them. And it sucks. So we lie a little. All of us do. Especially about our backroom.
This past holiday season I was fortunate enough to work on Christmas Eve. I had a woman ask me for the SINGLE MOST POPULAR SHIRT we sold that season in a medium. All we had left were extra smalls. And because of the holiday rush, our backroom was a ghost town. Not a spot of product, save the overflow electronic items we keep locked up, was in there. I kindly as I could at 5pm on Christmas Eve at work in the mall told her that we had all of our product on the floor and did not have more in the back. I also explained it was a very popular style, and we barely managed to keep any on the shelves even though we got a new run of it almost every shipment. Well. That was not good enough for this woman. She bitched. And moaned. And bitched some more. What exactly am I supposed to do? I'm not some Taiwanese 3 year old in a sweatshop. (NOTE: Elle's Store™ does not employ sweatshop workers of the Taiwanese persuasion or any other. The previous sentence was just to make a point.) I can't make you a new shirt. If you needed it for your dear little Timmy and really wanted to make his Christmas this year, you would have thought about it more that 17 FUCKING HOURS BEFORE CHRISTMAS MORNING YOU FAT COW.
But of course, I can't tell you this because I would get fired. So I will smile sweetly and "double check in the back for you" which is to say, I will close the door, curse you out, take a drink of some nice Starbuck's coffee, and cry a little before going back out to tell you we do not, in fact, have more in the back. Just like I told you before the yelling.
I'm fortunate enough to work in a store that keeps what product we do have back there fairly organized. But due to the lack of stuff in there, I know without looking what we have and what we don't. So when someone comes in and asks if we have this clearance item in a 3X in the back, the answer is "Are you fucking crazy woman? That shirt is 6 months old and marked down to $0.99. You really think I have MORE in the back?" But what we say (with a smile mind you) is "Oh! Let me go look! I'll be right back!" and we go behind that employees only door. At this point we just stand there. Maybe we take a bathroom break, take a sip of a drink, fix our hair, etc. But it takes us all of half a second to look and go "Nope!".
Now, if we were to poke our head in the back, come back out and tell you "no", you'd accuse us of not looking or not wanting to help you. Oh dear Elle I would never!!! you might have just thought to yourself. Shut the fuck up. You have. This is something we learn early on in our retail careers. If we're entirely honest with customers, we will inevitably get yelled at by them. And it sucks. So we lie a little. All of us do. Especially about our backroom.
This past holiday season I was fortunate enough to work on Christmas Eve. I had a woman ask me for the SINGLE MOST POPULAR SHIRT we sold that season in a medium. All we had left were extra smalls. And because of the holiday rush, our backroom was a ghost town. Not a spot of product, save the overflow electronic items we keep locked up, was in there. I kindly as I could at 5pm on Christmas Eve at work in the mall told her that we had all of our product on the floor and did not have more in the back. I also explained it was a very popular style, and we barely managed to keep any on the shelves even though we got a new run of it almost every shipment. Well. That was not good enough for this woman. She bitched. And moaned. And bitched some more. What exactly am I supposed to do? I'm not some Taiwanese 3 year old in a sweatshop. (NOTE: Elle's Store™ does not employ sweatshop workers of the Taiwanese persuasion or any other. The previous sentence was just to make a point.) I can't make you a new shirt. If you needed it for your dear little Timmy and really wanted to make his Christmas this year, you would have thought about it more that 17 FUCKING HOURS BEFORE CHRISTMAS MORNING YOU FAT COW.
But of course, I can't tell you this because I would get fired. So I will smile sweetly and "double check in the back for you" which is to say, I will close the door, curse you out, take a drink of some nice Starbuck's coffee, and cry a little before going back out to tell you we do not, in fact, have more in the back. Just like I told you before the yelling.
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